Why being lost has been the easiest thing for me to do

by - 19:10

lately its been very hit and miss with me, I've tended to have been stuck doing the same 'shit, different day' routine. I'm not going to lie it has been very easy for me to get stuck into basically do nothing. I've been slowly fading away and floating though life, I've spent a lot of time crying and wondering what the point is. I haven't worked that out yet, I'm sure I will but its not come to me yet.

It's been hard.

Looking back to a few months ago when my writers block started and ive been very distant from the internet, I'm pretty much in the same place, in the small town ive always lived in, struggling to find work, Having enough money to live on, not being able to do much or being able to afford to fix my laptop that's been broken for some time. (I'm writing this up on someone else's, that I had to borrow to check on my blog) finding it hard to live and not being able to write a thing. The only thing that is different is the things I've worked though, and all the little things that have happened in the space between then and now.

I'm finding it really had to write, even now as I don't know what is to much to say, or to little. or even if there is any point in this. I don't want to bring all this negativity to my blog, but I also want to be real. The whole "if you've got nothing nice to say don't say anything at all" saying pops into my head and its true, the last few months have not been nice, and I know compared to others my problems don't really matter, but in this moment in time, to me, they do and they are holding me back.

I'm feeling friendless, and I know I'm not, but life just gets in the way. Everyone seems to be getting married, moving out, traveling the world exploring wonderful places and gosh I am so happy for them, but I feel left behind. Its nice to have someone at the end of the phone, to be able too call up and hang out with. Its almost as if everything falls to shit all at once, I've spent hours walking town giving out cv's looking though websites, trying to find paid writing jobs or anything to tide me over until I find someone great, and then at the end of it I have no one to talk to about it, no one to go for a drink with, when I really need it, it fucking sucks.

Everything seems to fucking suck right now.

Lilypad xo

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